a little life update
I started feeling very overwhelmed by the presence of social media.
whether it was how I was presented, how my content was going over, offers from brands(or lack of ones I truly desired), and just focusing far too much on what was going on in other people’s lives leaving this hole that was continually filled with discontentment and a desire for unrealistic circumstances.
So I took(am continuing to take)a break from all things social media. all I have left is my Pinterest which I allow myself to go on, because that is a place that never leaves me desiring unrealistic things, but actually inspires me to do things that make sense in my current life situations. this break has been healing, and honestly so easy to do this time around. I don’t know that I’ll continue to look at Instagram and tiktok the same. at least in the near future.
I told myself that during this break I would focus on tangible things that I have been putting off — things like gardening. both produce and florals. I have been knee-deep in soil, and bringing Rehn and my husband along with me, and it has actually turned out to be this fun little experience for all of us! Rehn helps me water the plants, she even helped me dig out, plant, and “pat” them into the ground and I think that was honestly one of the coolest little experiences I’ve ever had with her. She’s also been helping me feed the birds in our new little window feeder and the bunnies that live in our bushes; along with chores like stain scrubbing & cooking.
I thought I was so involved with her, but once I stepped back from the distraction of my phone, I’ve realized and temporarily grieved the time I’d missed. But we mustn’t live in what’s come and gone, but move forward with the knowledge we now have & make this time count!
The week before memorial day I caught a pretty bad cough. I spent several nights sleeping alone because of cough attacks I’d have, which was honestly such a sad time. I remember asking Jake to come back one night and I told him I’d keep myself from coughing as much as I could just so he could sleep well.
I still have that lingering cough, but with that, over memorial day weekend, I bruised my rib because of said cough and ended up at the ER on memorial day which led to an inhaler due to wheezing and having to take steroids for all the inflammation everywhere. I’ve been a mess and in a lot of pain these days, but you sorta have to continue living at the same time when you’re the sahp, so slowly I’ve been resting, finding ways to get out of the house to get help with Rehn so she isn’t “neglected”(what my heart feels when I can’t get down on her level as often), but we’re healing very slowly, and I’m thankful for modern medicine and the nurse that made me cry due to her empathy and kindness.
speaking of health concerns - I also ended up early on this month, going to my midwife due to a lump i found on my right breast. It was something i silently feared for over a week(besides my husband)by choice. I am a private person, I also hold off speaking up when it comes to health concerns until I have actually gone in and figured out what’s going on. Not for any other reason than truly needing to process my feeling about it, and grasping realities before I have anyone asking questions. I get overwhelmed pretty fast if i don’t have some time alone to process things - which my family does not like about me, but it’s who I am, and with things like this I think it’s okay to be a little “selfish”.
I found out that it was hormonal, and has since gone away. PTL. It’s something she said she will continue to look out for, but to not be concerned unless it comes back & with that she will monitor it accordingly.
I will say, in the waiting I was truly able to surrender the situation to the Lord, and felt absolute peace while the lump was still super prevalent. It was a very bonding experience with Jake as well. So while I am truly grateful we are in the clear, I am grateful for a week long process of refinement & building that foundation of trust in the Lord all over again.
My Grandma quoted a friend of hers to me during this time, and that quote has since become such a mantra for me & my home. I have it on several post it notes, all over my house as a gentle reminder that we are inevitably in control of our actions, and how far our circumstances can lead us either downward or towards Heaven.
“have a great day on purpose”
Other than that, things have been so sweet these days. A lot of time is spent outside. Barely any time on my phone. Learning to live more in the moment than capturing them all. This time away has been healing, and I honestly love how confident I have been as a Mother, and a Wife, even in the smaller things like how I want to decorate my home, or what products I want to spend money on. For example: when on social media I’d find myself consumed by things I desired for myself, skincare, clothes, and home decor — these days my deliveries have been bird feeders, dirt, gardening tools, and basic needs. I cannot stress enough how freeing it has been to simply live my life seperate from the world.
I miss my community I’ve built online, but I think as i grow older I am really grateful for my physical relationships, and I was lacking a lot of trust in the Lord for provision in my community. That is something i have focused on so much these days. So many babies have been brought into the world too and I just want to be present for my Sisters and friends who are in this new season of Motherhood. Something I desperately desired early on myself.
Welp, that’s pretty much what life has looked like these days. A lot of nature walks with Rehn. A lot going on in my gut health journey. Keeping up with my home, Family, and Relationship with the Lord. All in all, I am so grateful to have this little corner to be raw and just jot down all the little things I’m loving, learning, and healing from.
Thank you for being here. Until next time :)