what if it were meant to be much simpler than that?
i feel like i go through phases.
phases of contentment. confidence. creativity. closeness. joy. connectivity. peace.
but..
there’s always an opposite phase where everything just seems so hopeless, or just dull and quiet. i remember having confidence in a lot of things growing up. i felt confident in my relationships with friends and piers. i felt confident in where i stood relationally with the Lord. the church. i felt confidence in smaller things too - the clothes i’d put on my body, or my hair color…
somewhere down the line i began to lose those things. forgetting, at the core, what inspires me. what motivates me. where my joy comes from. how to be uniquely myself and not caring if it didn’t fully connect with thousands of strangers or not, but continuing on with my day without a doubt as to what i found fun, beautiful, inspiring.
there’s growth in questions. there’s growth in a shift of perspective. but what about the things you’re not growing in?
the internet can be a lonely place.
the enemy loves disconnect. doubt. self-awareness. no wonder it’s such a huge platform.
why is it so hard to disconnect?
why is the fomo real?
why does it feel like if you leave for a little while, you’ll end up missing what little you’ve gained from it altogether?
why is it hard to see what we have right in front of us, and allow that to be simply enough.
why can’t we carry out the relationships we crave so miserably online outside of the screen & into our daily lives.
creating intentional spaces for physical hearts.
creating meals not for popularity or inspo, but to simply share with your community right there where you’re at?
raising your littles according to your intuition, your convictions, your life rather than in the shadows of non-related sources that won’t ever fit your circumstances.
using our hands for nourishment, practicality, others, rather than spending their days touching a screen, hopeful for the recognition they think they deserve from faceless opinions.
where are our hearts?
why are they surrounded by self gain and recognition?
why can’t we give without applause, or receive without having to share it to the world?
why must our most sacred moments be aired out for the world when they deserve to be cherished deeply and intimately?
when did popularity gain so much traction that we forgot we’re all one body connected by the blood of one Savior?
why is a quiet life - a true quiet, disconnected, intimate, communal, and resourceful life so hard to actually obtain? maybe because we’ve made it seem like it’s about more than that? that subconsciously it’s aesthetic, and expensive?
that there’s one way about it, and if we’ve not achieved that picturesque design, we can’t have it?
why do those who love the Lord on platforms so grand preach one thing and reflect another? who say to be content, to be grateful, to depend on Him for our daily bread on one slide - yet promote consumerism in the next.
how can ones heart wrestle so deeply yet continue as if it’s not being bruised and battered in order to do so?
when did we become so obsessed with ourselves that we are so easily discontent over fleeting things?
these are the questions i ask myself.
on the days i choose to promote myself, yet don’t find much gain from my efforts.
it’s subconscious - ,mostly - but it’s this underlying expectation that if you put effort and heart into something and share it with the world, it will be recognized and received well. it will be applauded or even admired. the addiction we’ve created for ourselves of receiving praise is a lonely place to reside.
we were not meant for this touch of a finger, instantly gratifying lives of constant observations.
it has always meant to be much simpler than that.